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"Each individual should allow reason to guide his conduct, or like an animal, he will need to be led by a leash."
Diogenes of Sinope


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Thousand Flowers tapestry (15th Century) - Beaune, France (detail)

Monday, March 31, 2008

Critically acclaimed films that I hate

The folks over at Libertas had an interesting post up: "Top-Five Critically-Lauded Movies I Simply Detest". That got me thinking of the many times I've come out of a movie theatre after seeing a film that critics raved about, thinking "what the hell was that all about?" So, without further ado, here is my personal Top 10 List of critically-acclaimed films that I really didn't like, in no particular order:

2001 - A Space Odyssey
This was a great novel by the late Arthur C. Clarke, but the movie is a bloated monstrosity. Didn't anyone have the cojones to tell Stanley Kubrick, Famous Director - "Excuse me Mr. Kubrick but we think your movie is about an hour too long and unnecessarily obtuse"?

A Clockwork Orange
see above

Dances With Wolves
Critics gushed over how original & beautiful this film was, but I found it boring & patronizing. It's not enough anymore just to make a beautiful film - National Geographic does that every month - it's got to have something other than just a politically-correct lecture about white liberal guilt wrapped in beautiful photography. And excuse me, Kevin Costner is no David Lean - watch Lawrence of Arabia and then watch Dances With Wolves - I rest my case. And while we're on the subject of Kevin Costner - watching him act is like watching the Canadian Parliamentary Access Channel.

Forrest Gump
What can I say? This movie was a melodramatic tear-jerker, and watching Tom Hanks play the mentally-challenged lead character was like a trip to the dentist.

Titanic
Good lord, what a mess this movie was. After about half an hour, I was praying for an iceberg. Titanic - the Love Story ? Give me a break. Why not Pearl Harbor - the Love Story? (Oops - it's been done.) And putting Leonardo di Caprio in a movie is the kiss of death for me.

Lost in Translation
Sorry, I just didn't get it. And talk about SLOW.

The English Patient
I just couldn't drag up an ounce of interest or sympathy for any of the characters in this movie, even though I liked the book. Ralph Fiennes just rubs me the wrong way anyway.

Crash
See above comments on politically-correct lectures about white liberal guilt.

Gosford Park
I've never been a big Robert Altman fan, but this movie was a disjointed disaster. Was it a murder mystery? A period drama about the English class system? Who knows.

Bram Stoker's Dracula
Francis Ford Coppola needs an editor. This movie was too long, and it couldn't decide whether it was a serious treatment of the classic novel or a parody. Gary Oldman was ridiculous as the lead character, and Wynona Rider & Keanu Reeves sucked the life out of every scene they were in.

There - I feel better now.



5 comments:

rabbit said...

A Clockwork Orange is one of my favourite movies of all time. Although long, it's imminently watchable (although not by the whole family.)

Never before or since has there been such a perfectly depicted sociopath as Alex (Hannibal doesn't strike me as having true sociopathy). And the music!

And as for 2001, you obviously took the wrong drugs for viewing.

Lemon said...

Bad Country for Old Men. Violent with no purpose, little character development, and bad hair.

Anonymous said...

Funny but you listed the movies from best to worst, a freudian slip? The first two are not very accessible films for the vast majority of viewers. The others have their pros and cons and there are messages in there. The big mystery to me is Dracula though. The leftists and trendy types like the film for its decadence and unbridled abandonment but I see the film as the coming to end of evil knowing that 'eternal life' ain't half what its cracked up to be. The triumph of good over evil rather that then cool hip walk on the bad side preferred by the cool leftist set. (real conservative)

Spitfire said...

I abhored The English Patient book (had to read it for grade 12 English), and after the whole Seinfeld episode about the movie, I didn't bother.

People give me shocking looks when I tell them I hated The Gladiator

I really shouldn't say anything though. This list of top 50 movies, I've seen 1 of them, (E.T.) pretty sad. I'm not much of a movie-goer and I'm pretty young to have seen any of these films though.

Spitfire said...

Wow! That makes me seem like I live under a rock. I must redemn myself a bit. I must add that out of the AFI top 100 films of all time I have seen (and own):

To Kill a Mockingbird
The Sound of Music
It's a Wonderful Life
LOTR (own)
Shawshank Redemption (own)
Forest Gump (own-VHS)
Platoon (own)
Titanic (own-VHS)

I do plan to watch "the classics" over my lifetime, so that I can say that I have watched them. I guess, whether I like them or not though, will still be up for grabs.